I am going through a rather tough time right now. I know things have gone really, really well for me this semester, better than I could have dreamed of actually, but right now ... it's not exactly a bed of roses.
I knew it would be tough to go back to full time studies, continue beyond the basic levels etc, but I'm constantly facing new challenges, it's one after another after another, and I'm finding it rather difficult to cope. Not that I'm giving up or anything, but every challenge I'm facing takes so much strength and energy from me, I feel I need to stop and gather more strength at some point ... and I'm not allowed to do that at all!
In the beginning of October I hadn't done an oral presentation in almost ten years! Doing one then was a really big deal for me, and it felt like a true milestone in my development! Then I actually got some time to recover from that before we had the group thing ... well I hadn't done that in almost as long time, and I did!
Now all of a sudden - about five or six weeks later (or even less!) - I am supposed to handle the fact that I get two or three days to prepare an oral presentation!! And by 'preparing' I don't mean the actual work of writing the presentation and rehearsing i - which in itself takes a lot of time - I mean mentally prepare!! This is a drastic escalation of things, and I'm not sure how well I'm coping with it!! I do have a hard time seeing myself giving up at this stage, because I have come so far, I have accomplished so much and I've worked so hard, that I won't give all that up in a hurry, but fact is - I'm not feeling very good at the moment! I use every ounce of energy and strength that I have just to try and survive and cope with what's thrown in my face, and I really feel I need to do something else too!
I know I went away on my trip, and I had some absolutely fantastic experiences, both theatrical and with a very dear friend whom I met and with my little sister, and I can't say that I regret going, but it was not a relaxing holiday ... it was a demanding trip! So that didn't do anything to recharge my batteries - in fact quite the oposite, it drained me even more.
Looking forward, we are going in to the second part of this course on Tuesday (after another oral presentation on Monday - *HELP!*), and in some ways I think this might be a bit easier - I think the teacher we're going to have might be a little more straight-forward and structured - but we still have two separate reports with oral presentations (and we have to make one interview and one observation!) to do, as well as the final, larger report which will work as an examination on the entire course!
So, looking at it realistically, I won't be able to get any kind of peace and quiet until around December 12th!! On top of all this, I have to gather quite a lot of data for the eassy I'll be writing ... *trying not to crack completely now*
Well, I'd best get back to looking over the presentation that will take place tomorrow!
I really, really, really hope I can make it through this, because I'm certainly going through a more demanding time than I really feel comfortable with right now ... although I know that if I can somehow gather the strength I need to get through this, I have really made an awesome job this semester!!!
Wish me luck?! :)