Today has been spent trying to get back into my life again, after having spent the last week deep inside books and not doing much of anything except for studies!
I have managed to get some cleaning done, I have done some catching up in Forums online and stuff like that. I have also finally listened to the Les Misérables concert that aired on October 8th!! Really really wonderful!!! If you want to read a review, click here!
My mood is however not as great as you would expect, unfortunately! I am still more or less exstatic about yesterday, that was a huge landmark in my life, and I feel great about the way the day turned out, no doubt there.
Unfortunately, there are other things in my life that takes up a lot of my thoughts at the moment, and somehow (I don't know why) it takes up even more space that my achievement yesterday! This is not a good thing, obviously, actually it is something that is making me feel quite bad. I'm trying hard to come to terms with it, and deal with it, but unfortunately doesn't rationality have much impact on this problem ... so I'm pretty much left with these bad feelings! When I have anxiety or stuff like that, I know that if I work really hard and totally apply myself, I will feel better. But I have no methods for what's going on in my life right now, and that is hard to accept.
I think I've written somewhere before, that I am a person that needs to take action, to work my way out of a problem, because I have learned that problems never solve themselves while I sit around and do nothing. But in this case there is absolutely nothing I can do! At least nothing that I am aware of! And that is very frustrating and drains you of energy! I have these awful feelings, and all I can do is sit around feeling like shit - there is nothing I can do to make these terrible feelings go away ...
I am trying to see things more positive, and sometimes I succeed too! The fact is my life could be a whole lot worse than it is now - I have accomplished a great deal in just a month now, and I really am both happy and proud about that! I don't mean that my whole life is going to Hell at the moment, but these feelings that I have exist all the time, I'm never free of them, and now - probably because all the anxiety and stress regarding the presentation has gone now - it's hitting me like a brick in the head ...
I am really proud about what I have done, and there's actually nobody that says you should be completely happy either, is it? If I can have happyness and feel proud about yesterday, I guess that in some way I should be able to cope with this other problem as well ... (sometimes easier said than done though ...)
Well, I'll be off writing some more in my regular diary now - when I'm feeling sad and down, that's usually all I have energy to do ...
I hope I'm in a better mood tomorrow!