Today has almost entirely been spent on my sociology-of-religion-project ... thereby the above title. Some of the times it feels rather okay, I think I'm getting some of it, I can make references to other litterature etc. and then some of the times it just hits me like a brick in the head: I don't have any conformity in what I'm doing, there are no logical conclusions to what I'm doing and I'm just totally confused!! And if I don't understand the stuff - how in the world am I going to explain it to the others?!?!?
These other issues I wrote about yesterday are also constantly in my mind. I know there's absolutely nothing I can do about them, there not one single thing I can do to affect things in any direction, but despite that, I can't get the whole mess out of my head ... And I have to be able to work on this project, also on Friday we have to hand in six (!) reviews on six different chapters as well - only short ones, but still ... *yikes* I feel like I'm working all the hours my mind and body will allow, but I still can't find the time to get it all done ... I haven't even started on the reviews, and I hardly feel like my presentation is making much sense at all right now ... and I have what ... 63 hours left or something ... great!!!
Sorry about these horrible blog entries lately ... I just can't help it right now! There are so many thing that I know I should be very very happy about - and I really am - but those kinds of feelings are just not allowed out right now, because there are so many other things going on right now! It really hit me earlier today, when I was taking a 'thinking-break' ... I need to rest my brain from sociology at some point! I just realized that if I felt that I really knew the material, that I really understood, completely, what it was about, and how different things were connected to eachother ... I wouldn't have that much of a problem in doing the presentation!! I mean I'd be nevious and have high anxiety levels, but I really felt like I'd be able to cope it a pretty acceptable manner! This is something very huge for me, personally, something that indicates I have come a long way in a rather short period of time - but I can' t fully rejoice over that either, because the fact is I don't understand the material in that way, I am very uncertain about certain things that feel totally confusing ...
I'm really sorry, I think I should just quit writing right now. Not one single thing is going right at the moment, I'm so extremely overly tired at this point, that I'm really easily affected by very little things, and I take them to heart .... Right now, I just feel like climbing in bed with Zorro and have a great good cry ...
I know that's not gonna happen, so I will at least to my best to "get back into it" and start reviewing this stupid chapter for the 164th time (at least it feels that way!)!
I hope I can come back with more optimistic and happy entries in the future!