I really must apologize in advance for this entry, which I'm fairly sure won't make much sense to anybody reading it! I have such an extremely intense day today, I'm completely drained both mentally and physically!
I feel I can't quite go into detail about everything here, partly because it's rather private and personal, and partly because I could probably sit here and write for about 24 hours straight if it came to that!! I guess I'll have to make a overall entry from this very intense day, before I completely crash!
I went to visit my work place this morning, and it was nice that I managed to do it! Unfortunately one of the ladies I work with was ill, so she didn't come, and there was only one Mom there with her daughter! I know them, because they've been there before, and it was nice to meet them and all that, but it always feels a bit strange when there aren't any more people there.
Than came the afternoon, with lecture at Uni. The entire time spent there is just far to vast for me to try and describe. One major thing turned out pretty badly, or, well ... not really "bad", but toally unexpected and something I feel I am completely unequipped to handle, so that was a real shock to me. I also came to realize that had this happened a year ago, or maybe even six months ago, I would have left!! I wouldn't have known what to do and I would have just walked out! This to me indicates that I am getting better, my mind don't get completely blown away when I get a panic attack, I somehow manage to still have some sort of connection to reality, which means I could sort of deal today, and stay during the entire lecture. In some ways I got my "reward" for that too ...
Also, some other stuff felt like it worked out really well today, actually surprisingly well, and I don't really know how it turned out so good ...
Sorry about this entry - again - my mind is just a huge blur at the moment, and I haven't really managed to sort all my feelings and emotions out just yet ... I don't think it's much of a point for me to go on writing here ... I'll just keep rambling on and on, and will sound more and more like a complete lunatic ... something which I'm hoping to avoid! ;-)
It will certainly take some time to deal with this ... I hope I will make an entry every day in the future as well, but I have a feeling it will strictly be a report on what has been going on. I don't think I will be able to share any emotions in this blog for a while yet.
Hope you'll still want to read it though ...:)