Wednesday, 18 October 2006


Today has been another of those "roller-coaster-days", with very high ups and very low downs, leaving me completely drained and very very confused!
As I suspect you've grown accustomed to now, I won't go into detail, but I can at least tell you something about my day!

Okay, we had lectures first thing this morning, and apart from the lecture itself - which would include three presentations and following discussions - I had two things "planned", that I wanted to challenge myself to doing. The first one would actually take place before lectures started, but despite almost perfect conditions and circumstances, I failed ... for some reason I couldn't go through with it!! I don't really know why, becuase circumstances were close to perfect - but I didn't. I know I can't go on blaming myself for it, but in retrospect I am sorry about not following through!

When the lecture started we found out that two of the presentations had been cancelled for various reasons. Okay, that left one presentation... The guy that had it is from Denmark, he's super-nice, but I do have a very hard time understanding him.
Also, for some completely unknown reason, I got into these horrible anxiety attacks!!! With some help, I have started to see what might have been behind them, but the reasons are certainly obscure enough ...when I sat there I had no idea what was going on, except that I had full-blown anxiety-attacks throughout the lecture!!! It was really really horrible, I haven't felt that bad in years!!!

Anyway ... my other "challenge" would take place right after lectures, but since I felt so bad, I sort of decided to ignore it, I just didn't really care!! But once we were done, I changed my mind back again (I told you it had been a confusing day, didn't I???), and decided to try and follow through on my challenge! Despite some minor obstacles, I did go through with it, and it was a success!! Yay me!! This was something I had thought about doing for at least six months, or even more actually, but felt that it was something I would never have the courage to do - so knowing that I did makes me extra happy - it is certainly concrete proof that I have grown and developed a lot in just a short period of time!

The social-thing has also worked amazingly well today!! We're supposed to do this group-project-thing at the end of the course, and I always have huge problems finding people to work with! Well, early on in the course, I sort of talked about it with this girl, and she "sort of" said I could probably be with her and her friends, but there was nothing definate about it, and I felt like an idiot! But today one of the other girls in that group approached me about it, and seemed to think it would be perfectly normal for me to be a part of their group!! Wow!!! I had never in my wildest dreams imagined the social situation to develop so fast!!! It's almost a bit scary actually, it's all happening so fast, and I don't really know what's going on ....

This has, as you've probably understood by now, been a very confusing day! I'm often having these days where some stuff is HORRIBLY BAD and other things is AMAZINGLY GOOD, and it's very hard to deal with, at least I find it difficult to know what exactly is going on at times like that. Anyway, I know now that I have a lot of stuff to be very greatful and happy about, and I truly am, even though other things are a bit more difficult to handle (just to remind you, the "stuff" is still here - I'm guessing that is something that will be with me for a very, very long time!).

Before I bore you all to death with this - again! - confusing entry, I'd like to share a new siggie/avatar set I made tonight!
Hope you all are well!

Jessica's Websites


Dakota said...

I hope you feel better now!

btw, I love the avatar/siggie set! it's beautiful! :)

/ Dakota

Jessica said...

Aw, thanks Dakota!
Yeah - I feel better now ... it's a bit staining when things are going so much up and down - but I'm really happy that things ARE going up as well, and that's the main thing, right?! :)

Glad you like my set ... thanks! :D

The darkest night said...

Very cool siggie/avatar! :)

"Congratulations" on the good stuff...and "hang in there" on the not so good stuff! ;) *hugs*

Jessica said...

Glad you like the siggie/avatar! :)

And thanks ... I'm doing my best to enjoy the good stuff and cope with the not-so-good! :D

The darkest night said...

Good girl :)