Thursday, 5 October 2006

What A Day!

I know I have been terribly vague about everything that's going on in my life now, and I apologize for that. Still, I don't really feel like being completely open about everything that's happening right now ... and to be honest, I think it's far to complicated for me to just explain it like that! So, I'm trying to at least give you some insight to what I'm feeling, although I don't quite feel up to telling you all why I'm feeling it. I hope you understand...

Today has been a completely confusing day - which isn't so unusual for me these days, I guess. I was really, really nervous about something this morning, so it was more or less torture to get to Uni, and once I got there, things didn't exactly move smoothly in the beginning ... welcome even more anxiety! Later on, it seemed to work out a little better, and I started to not feel quite so nervous and terrified .... I even managed to do something which I have never ever managed to do before ... and that actually made me feel really proud!
Then it was time for my "thing", and at first, I wasn't really as nervous as I had been before, which definately feels like a good sign. And then the "forces aligned against me" ... everything that could possible happen to make this moment worse, did in fact happen!! In retrospect, I can say that I am very happy - and proud - about staying in this situation, and more or less going through with it, instead of just running off, but I have to say it was really pure terror being there!
I managed to get home without a total breakdown, and I then decided to try and repair some of the things that hadn't worked out earlier. And boy, was I for a surprise! I can' t really go into detail, but my mood pretty much turned entirely around .... I knew that my moods and the way I feel about things are easily affected by things that happen, and I guess this was one of those times. Nothing revolutionary happened, but it was enough for me to start thinking a bit differently and maybe coping a little bit better ... I don't know how long this will last, of course, but at least it did me some good, after this horrible morning I had ... well, it wasn't all horrible, because there were actually at least three incidents that I really felt was great (or close to great, anyway) ... and then this other thing happend that made me totally down ... and then it turned around when I got home ...
Okay - you see - my life is total confusion right now, that's what I've been saying! :-)

Finishing off with some photos of moi. I've noticed some "memory blogs" lately, and became somewhat inspired ... even though I'm not up to going down memory lane just now, at least I can offer you some pics!
Enjoy! :-)

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